Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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