Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize