I smell stomach acid.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
