My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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