Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
