capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
