if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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