its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
