Need sex. Gaining weight.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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