If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
