i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the liver wants what the liver wants
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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