hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
