I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
