Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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