U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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