kristin has been a bad kristin
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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