maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
