drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
