Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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