I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
