please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
4 words: hood of his car
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
