Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
