i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
