All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
