just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
