so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize