dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize