Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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