he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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