Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
