I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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