my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
