ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
