let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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