Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
