Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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