i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
