i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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