woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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