I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
