That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
3pm strippers are depressing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
