I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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