Fuck appropriateness.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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