Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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