After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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