This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
