He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
