omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize