yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
