Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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