from now on my penis is your penis
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
