I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
