i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
