I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
