Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
