I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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