There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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