I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
