so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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