thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize