i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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