living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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