Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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